Massage is an area of healthcare that is replete with pseudoscience. There are many legitimate practitioners, but the consumer needs to be careful when seeking a massage therapist  

Recently, I attempted such a search to treat shoulder aches from many hours spent at my desk. I’ve been feeling like those evolution spoofs posters showing hunched over primates evolving into homo sapiens hunched over a computer. 

I started my search online and quickly learned there are some key words that suggest whether your experience will be a therapeutic one or not. A consumer may end up getting less or (much) more than they bargained for; so what follows is a list of linguistic red flags.  

Advertisements for erotic massage are full of code words and euphemisms. This list is by no means definitive, but some tip-off terms include body rub, full body, adult, sensual, nude, Tantra, open-minded, intimate, discrete, and private. They will probably offer gender-specific massage, incalls at their homes, or outcalls to hotels, and services such as “four hands” or “in and out”. They may ask for a specific “donation”, rather than charging a fee.  

These masseuses won’t call themselves “therapists”, or list themselves as “certified”. However, they will probably list their sexuality and ethnicity, describe their appearance and vital statistics, and include provocative photos. They may even tell you how they dress, how they don’t dress, or how they can dress, such as the following ad:  

Upon request, I’ll arrive as a:

1) Businessman in designer-label suit & tie

2) Salesman in chinos & golf shirt

3) Carpenter in jeans, T-shirt, tools & Hardhat

4) Biker in Leathers ‘n Boots, on a Harley. Harley ride available (weather-permitting)

5) Cowboy in Western jeans, western shirt, cowboy boots ‘n hat  

Even if you avoid the happy endings successfully you need to watch out for metaphysical massages. Ayurvedic, hot stone, back walking, cranial sacral therapy, rolfing, bowen therapy, and acupressure massages are among the list of unproven and potentially dangerous therapies. To attract more clients and money, many therapists will offer alternative add-ons, including acupuncture, chiropractic, cupping, reiki and reflexology. While massage may be beneficial for anxiety, depression and pain, any form of massage that claims to cure disease is questionable.  

Some practitioners will assure you that they are “reputable”, “qualified” or “professional”, but to gauge what these words mean you need to read the rest of the ad. If the individual is “professional” and offers “prostate massage”, you might want to think twice… In contrast, genuine massage therapists offer sports, therapeutic or rehabilitative forms of massage. They will be licensed, and tend to be more expensive, although some therapists accept health insurance.  

During a recent conversation with Colorado skeptic Elaine Gilman, I discovered she is taking a course in massage therapy. Her course is bone fide, despite an initially misleading claim that ‘massage may be contraindicated with homeopathy’:  

It’s protocol to take a health history before giving massage. Some things are contraindicated. For instance, one wouldn't do deep tissue massage on someone with osteoporosis. If a client has varicose veins, you wouldn’t work below the veins, and there are other things to look out for, edema, circulation issues. It was stated in a syllabus that we need to be aware of any homeopathic treatments because massage may interfere with the treatment. Of course, it’s important to know why a person is doing homeopathy, because the condition itself may be contraindicated, but yeah, it cracked me up when I read it.  

After dodging online ads for erotic and alternative practitioners, I finally found a woo-free establishment; or so I thought. I visited the premises, had a quick consultation with a therapist and made an appointment. Until that time, she suggested I apply castor oil to a flannel cloth and wrap this around my neck with a heat pack. Of course, she sold these products. I glanced at the packaging and noticed that it read:  

Recommended in the Edgar Cayce readings.  

For anyone who isn’t familiar with the name, Cayce (1877-1945) was an infamous medical intuitive known as the “sleeping prophet” who prescribed archaic and useless remedies for his patients.  

So the search for a legitimate massage therapist continues…  

Karen Stollznow is a research fellow for the James Randi Educational Foundation.

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written by Baloney, January 27, 2012

Listen, Karen -- quit giving him excuses, and just tell him you have a headache and don't want to give him a damn massage tonight!

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Seriously though,...
written by Baloney, January 27, 2012

Seriously though, the easiest way to start a search for a licensed and certified therapist is by contacting a local, certified massage school and ask for a list of affiliated certified practices.

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Woo is almost impossible to avoid with massage
written by Lisa Simpson, January 27, 2012

I get monthly massages to help deal with chronic back pain from scoliosis. I have found a fine place (Massage Envy), although some think it's the McDonald's of massage. Even though the therapists are all trained and certified, the therapists themselves still push all kinds of woo. To which I say, thank you, but no.

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written by Elexina, January 27, 2012

Massage can be wonderful and relaxing, but also full of woo. I just blur my vision when my husband and I go for couples massages. But for actual pain management and therapy, I would highly recommend (no, not chiropractic!) a physical therapist. I, too, have computer related aches and pains and several sessions with a physical therapist were near-miraculous. Massage only helps with relaxation, it doesn't do much long term, at least for me -unless you can get one every week!!

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Yes, perhaps unescapable...
written by ithacaartist, January 27, 2012

The Finger Lakes School of Massage, which sits 'high above Cayuga's waters", roughly on the opposite side as Cornell, includes woo in their curriculum. My evidence for this is anecdotal, as related to me by my girlfriend, whose folks shelled out over $5 grand for her education there--2 semesters' work, as I recall.

She returned home with references to Reiki, meridians, etc., told in such a way as to reveal that these nuggets of knowledge were not particularly presented at school as historical concepts, but true options for understanding the human body. I seem to remember that the anatomy book used was one that a student would color in as he/she went along, so they did have some anatomical instruction presented.

Ithaca was once described as "ten square miles surrounded by reality". This may fit many other university towns as well. The upshot is that Ithaca, listed in a past Utne Reader as the most liberal city in the country. Sadly, Liberalism sometimes shares a path with woo, and the community is rife with credulity and its associated activities and industries. Overall, the philosophical climate might average out due to the higher than normal concentration of engineers and scientists teaching and attending school here; I hope so.

The Edgar Caycee reference above sounds a note for me: The same girlfriend had lived in Virginia Beach for a while, where she became a fan of the Sleeping Prophet. She never connected Caycee with any conversation about massage, but this affiliation leads me to believe that she was kinda set up for this stuff at massage school by everything preceding it philosophically. No, this is not the same girlfriend as my other recent posting.

I think we develop our approaches to the world around us very early, to be defined and understood when we are ready. It's kind of an environmental race, to see which facet of life gets into a young head first--rationality or woo.

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Questionable?
written by garyg, January 27, 2012

> "....any form of massage that claims to cure disease is questionable..."

Questionable? Name any form of massage that CURES any (real) disease.

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written by CatOfGrey, January 27, 2012

Perhaps you should get a referral through your MD, or a physical therapist? A masseuse referral from a non-woo health professional would be better than a standard internet search.

But there is a valid point here - massage here is often surrounded by a culture of woo, so while getting a massage for your muscle pain (which I understand to be scientifically effective) you should still be prepared to gently decline the vitamins, oils, and quite possibly the muscle testing and other woo that often comes along with it.

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No good answers
written by dsavak, January 27, 2012

I'm a Licensed Massage Therapist and a skeptic in Texas, and I spend too many hours of each day fighting against the woo that taints my profession. My worst adversaries in this fight are my fellow LMTs. I've never understood why, with so many good tools at our disposal, so many LMTs choose to bury the value of our work in nonsense.

Someone else suggested contacting a massage school to locate a good LMT. That may work, but it may not. I attended well regarded massage school, known for its clinical bodywork programs that teaches sports, deep, and therapeutic massage. Despite all the great stuff I learned there, I absorbed a HEFTY dose of woo in the form of reflexology, cranial sacral therapy, zero balancing, reiki, aromatherapy, chiropractic, acunpuncture, manual lymphatic drainage, and many more. In fact, my time in massage school is what sent me down the path to true skepticism - I knew this stuff was ridiculous, and made it a point to arm myself with proper research when it was to be discussed.

One last note: I have trouble finding the right clients, too. I've had people show up and ask me to cleanse their auras before I begin their massage. Since I'm self-employed, I hate having to tell those people that I'm not the LMT for them, but... well, I'm not.

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written by denver, January 27, 2012

I've found many massage establishments employ part time independents, of all sorts of beliefs and inclinations. When I went to a local place for some physical therapy, I had good treatments from a sports massage practitioner. But one day when that one was out, I was assigned a different massage therapist, who noted partway through she felt one of my chakras was blocked. So it seems hit and miss.

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written by egilman12@yahoo.com, January 27, 2012

There is still plenty of woo and pseudoscience at my school. Apart from that the school does have a very good reputation for the quality of CMT's it produces. My hope is that I'm limiting my exposure to the pseudoscience and woo by the areas of focus I've chosen.

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written by Caller X, January 27, 2012

There's a problem right at the beginning:

Massage is an area of healthcare...

Massage is someone rubbing you, and happy endings are the BEST! but otherwise it has no more health value than homeopathy.

"Scratching yourself is an area of healthcare..."

See what I did there?

Recently, I attempted such a search to treat shoulder aches from many hours spent at my desk.

Like the doctor on Hee-Haw used to say to the guy who said "Doc, it hurts when I do this!" Stop doing that! If you hurt you're doing something wrong.

Having to be licensed or certified doesn't make what you do real or effective.

`

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written by alki, January 27, 2012

An acquaintence of mine recently invited me to "like" her massage therapist husband on Facebook. It turns out that he practices the Neurological Integration System, which involves tapping the head in some sort of attempt to stimulate the brain. The website belonging to Neurolink, the company that promotes this system, is full of nonsense and obfuscation. For example:

Application of the scientific principle of electromagnetic conduction has dramatically revised the way the body will respond and the speed at which it responds. Laboratory measurements of Immunopathology values constantly reflect changes as a result of using these principles. Such changes now being observed with NIS include positive improvements in the various carcinoembryonic antigen markers.

As someone who has been involved in real clinical research, I can confirm that this impressive-sounding language is utter gobbletygook. It sounds like random phrases from health journals woven together with something like SCIgen software. And they're charging $1820 AUD for a weekend conference on this "science"!

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Massage is a business
written by thain1982, January 29, 2012

Be careful saying that "full body massage" is a warning sign. If that "full body massage" comes from an unlicensed therapist, then yes, it is a warning sign, but licensed massage therapists offer full-body massage that is not erotic in any way. LMTs have been fighting the negative connotations of erotic masseuses for years now and licensing is one of the ways they are finally making some progress (incidentally, a lot of LMTs are starting to push against being called "masseuses," as the term has become loaded with erotic massage connotations).

That said, if you find a licensed massage therapist, that should be your first concern. Even the best massage schools are going to teach some "woo," because massage therapy is a business, and it must attract customers, and it is still considered enough of an "alternative" field that some of the biggest customers are going to be after the "woo" of it all. All that said, however, in order to be licensed at all, an LMT has to be trained in actual therapeutic techniques, and any good school is going to focus the majority of their training on therapeutic techniques, with, perhaps, a week or two devoted to nonsense like Reiki.

Given that, if you get a therapist who tries to push things you don't believe, my own practice is to give them a chance to make things right by warning them that you are only there for therapy, and that you do not appreciate metaphysics being brought into the session. If they persist, leave, but if we don't start letting them know that they have legitimate customers who aren't obsessed with BS, they'll keep training and pushing the BS.

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written by lytrigian, January 30, 2012

full body,... open-minded, intimate, discrete, and private.

*discreet

Massage therapists that operate out of fixed commercial locations are rarely in the "happy ending" business. I suppose there are exceptions, but I've never met any, and it's not a service included in any "full body" massage I've ever had.

But yeah, most of them offer some kind of woo, although I wouldn't say they "push" it. It's there, and they're happy to provide it if you want it. And I live in at area that might as well be Woo Central; if it's not that bad here I find it hard to believe it can be that much worse anywhere else.

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written by DoctorMelkor, January 31, 2012

The most reliable-seeming massage service I think I've seen was when a woman had set up a massage chair in a park and put up a sign that read "Shoulder massage, $1 per minute." Pretty straightforward.

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massage can be legitimate
written by Jon Tallerico, February 03, 2012

I'm a licensed massage therapist in Springfield, MO. It is a very hard profession to work within as a skeptic. I'm surrounded by Energy Work, Quantum Biofeedback, Emotional Freedom Technique, and a thousand other unproven "modalities" on one side, and the mysticism of Eastern Medicine, Ayurveda, Traditional Chinese Medicine on the other.

My advise to you is to focus on therapists who certify in medically relevant techniques. Works based on Travell and Simons "Myofascial pain and dysfunction" are a good start. I highly recommend the work of Doug Nelson, Precision Neuromuscular Therapy is completely free of woo. Others that are pushing massage away from mysticism are Erik Dalton, Ben Benjamin, and Thomas Meyers. Though they sometimes venture into the realm of "healing energy" and "meridians" they are far more heavily based in anatomy and research.

Avoiding sexual massage is fairly easy to do. Make sure your therapist is nationally certified through NCBTMB and insured through AMTA or ABMP. If there is any question on their credentials, ask to see them. I have both my state and national license posted on the wall as you enter my place of business.

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