Reader Frank Trumpy sends us this hilarious ad, a quite serious one, from a circular in his vast collection:
Fathers of Mercy
THE IMMACULATE VIRGIN MARY AND THE MAGISTERIUM
need men to bring the Mercy of God to all.
Write: Vocation Director
Fathers of Mercy
South Union, KY 42283
Every schoolchild is taught, ad nauseam, about how "brave Galileo defied the authority of the Church and proved that the earth revolved around the sun." Evidence indicates that the earth, in fact does go around the sun.
It is hard to imagine that the Church could have been wrong. The medieval Church excelled in astronomy.
Catholic astronomers discovered and corrected the inaccuracies in the Julian Calender [sic]. Numbered among Catholic priest-astronomers were experts who could calculate both lunar and solar eclipses with great precision. The planting cycles of people coming to Catholicism around the world depended on astronomical accuracy at every latitude and longitude.
It's impossible that medieval Catholic astronomers of such skill wouldn't know something as simple and basic as that the earth went around the sun. There is only one explanation:
Until some period before Galileo, the sun did go around the earth. Then, for reasons of his own, God decided to quietly switch things around. Galileo noticed this and made a big thing out of it.
If you wish to think more like an aggressive Catholic who believes in a powerful God, read CRATS! It's the underground classic that offers Adams' Fractal Theory of Creation to the descendents of the Twelve Tribes. (That's us.)
To order: Call 1-800-OLD DRUM (653-3786). VISA/MC accepted.
Or send a check for $9.95; two copies $18.OO (Includes S&H) to:
Old Drum Publishing, Box 401, Portersville, PA 16051
Looking through Google's eyes, I found that an excerpt from this stupendous book is offered:
Baptists, Fundamentalists, Orthodox Jew are right: The Bible is Literal Truth. The World was created, fossils and all, in 7 days.
Howdy Doit? He made it out of Fractals! 3-D Fractals. In the Beginning was the Word. Fractals are the echoes! Fractals, building blocks of building blocks.
Whydy Doit? Catholics are right: Creation had to be made in such a way that we could never prove or disprove that HE made it. How else could HE give us Free Will?
Crats! - Magic all around. Water and wine do turn into Body & Blood. Real camels zip right through the eyes of real needles! Faith is more than intellect, freedom better than slavery, Big Church infinitely greater than the State. Zion triumphant in this world and the next! For us, there is no death. Only taxes.
This review of CRATS! appeared on Amazon:
You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll pull the shades and bar the door - you might even question your unbelief. CRATS! is unique; there is no sense comparing it to other books. The author himself could not write another like it. CRATS! combines the rollicking fun of Chesterton's Napoleon of Notting Hill, the moral seriousness of Percy's The Thanatos Syndrome, the comedic spirituality of Mr. Blue, the bitter satire of Waugh, all with the shocking shockingness of Flannery O'Connor (and the contemporariness of Bud McFarlane, Jr.). The story concerns a small group of heroes who band together to fight the powers of darkness, along the way scuba diving, selling bird gods, and learning how the Grand Canyon was made and how a camel can pass through the eye of a needle. Good guys sometimes die, good guys sometimes kill - pacifists beware! If you don't like to think, if you like bland books that will lull you to sleep, for heaven's sake, don't buy CRATS!
Okay, you win. For heaven's sake, I'll pass up this book. It won't be easy, but somehow...