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Prophecy PDF Print E-mail
Swift
Written by Jeff Wagg   

prophecyimageBeing the new year, the so-called psychics are giving their predictions, and showing off how well they did last year. And I got to thinking.. since everything I've seen leads me to believe that I'm every bit as "psychic" as they are, why not make my own predictions? I've read Kreskin's predictions for 2009, and I think I can do better.

 But what method should I use? Crystal ball? Tea leaves? (I'm more of a coffee drinker) Extispicy? (would sushi count?) Aha, I've found the answer. And it is... iTunes. How, you ask? Well, I shall tell you.

I'll load the track "Prophecy Theme" by Brian Eno from the Dune Original Soundtrack. It's an ethereal piece of music, and the iTunes visualizer swirls and sways with lights and trails that randomly appear with changes in the music. If I put myself in the right state of mind, I should be able to interpret these colors as visions of the future. 

Ok, here goes. I feel myself getting lightheaded (I promise it wasn't the mojitos)  Oh.. oh!  So vivid! So clear! I can look into the future and see exactly what will happen. It's going to be a memorable year!

Here's what I've discovered about the coming year. I'll be back in a year to tell you how I did.

A major celebrity couple will break up amidst rumors of infidelity

An earthquake in South America will raise concerns over larger earthquakes in the future

NASA will lose one of its spacecraft

A blockbuster movie, years in the making, will unexpectedly flop at the box office

A major automaker will merge with another

A leading union will strike and picket lines will form with reports of violence

There will be fewer hurricanes hitting the US this year

The Internet will suffer a failure causing speculation of terrorism

President Obama's approval rating will steadily decline throughout the year

A previously unknown species will be found in an unexpected place

Yes, it's true... I saw all that in the visualizer. Notice how precise I've been! I must surely have tapped into some unseen force here.

So let's see what a year brings. Let's see how I fare against the professionals. And feel free to join in! Make your own predictions and put them in the comments of this article. In one year, we'll analyze it all, and see how we did.

 

 

 

 

 

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written by Skeptic, January 03, 2009
we can add to that:

There will be violence in the Middle East.
Psychics will not admit they were wrong.
A major medical advance will be made, which is good, but it will be falsely advertised in the media as proof a magic pill that cures cancer is right around the corner, which is not good.
The large hadron collider will go back online. World will not end as a result due to a all-destroying black hole.
Fred Phelps will picket funerals. Will blame gay people for, well, everything.
Yet another (s)CAM treatment will be shown to be no more ineffective than placebo. This will have absolutely no effect on its followers. They will use the word "energy" and "quantum" a lot.
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written by Adavidson, January 04, 2009
I had to slaughter a sheep and do the viking prophecy dance naked in the snow around it wholst drinking a pint of vodka to get these, here is my prediction from Norway:

- The economical crisis will get worse, and at least one major companie we thought was safe will go bankrupt.
- No norwegian football team will qualify for the champions league.
- Or the world cup
-...or the europeian cup. (Damn.)
- Norway will however kick ass in the winter olympics. I see this one very clear. Yes. (Hikk)
- President Obama will, in fact, provide change to the american people.
- And ehm, need one more, hang on.. Eh, birds of a feather, will, in fact, flock together.

thudd. "passout"....
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written by Adavidson, January 04, 2009
Just woke up, and got another profecy here: Whilst-- and Company--

smilies/cheesy.gif
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written by tnskeptic, January 04, 2009
A tornado will strike a church during services killing lots of poeple. This will be explained away as God working in mysterious ways, the victims being in a better place, God has special plans for them, blah, blah, heard it all before, yadda, yadda, yadda...
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Easy
written by yarro, January 04, 2009
For me it's easy, no tea leaves, intestines of some poor animal, intricate dancing etc. I was born with the caul, so I'm a natural. smilies/cheesy.gif
My predictions:
1 - A Dutchman will win at least one of the World Championships Speed Skating. Allround, sprint or one of the distances;
2 - 2009 will not see an Elfstedentocht (Journey of Eleven Cities);
3 - In several Western countries one or more private banks will come under state control;
4 - Most Western countries will introduce more stringent laws to control the Internet, all in the name of liberty and public safety;
5 - New reality TV formats will be introduced.

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written by redwench, January 04, 2009
There will be 3 major natural disasters in southeast Asia.
There will be 2 major violent conflicts in area formerly the USSR
China's economy will drop severely before starting to pick up again before 2010.
A major advance in the treatment of diabetes will begin large scale human testing.
HIV rates will increase slightly in the US.
Several arrests will be made for threats against President Obama.
Michelle Obama will be skewered by the fashionistas for at least one wardrobe faux pas.
The Yellowstone park area will have numerous small, and at least one large earthquake, but no volcanic eruptions.
A major celebrity will be hospitalized for a drug overdose.
A major celebrity will be found dead by an employee.
Berlusconi will insult several countries' leaders, and face demands for his resignation for other reasons.
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written by Willy K, January 04, 2009
I Predict!!!!

Sylvia Browne will pass gas...
- Rick Warren will claim it is sign of the apocalypse!
- Uri Gellar will bend the ensuing cloud with his mind!
- Dan Akroyd will bottle it and sell it as a premium liqueur!
- Ben Stein will claim that it disproves evolution!
- Kreskin will say "I predicted this on Johnny Carson's show on December 32, 1847!" smilies/tongue.gif
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written by Resume, January 04, 2009
I predict paranormal believers will invent a new term to describe pesky skeptics, something negative. I'm getting a D sounding word . . .

Denialist!

Oh wait, they're already using that term, bad on me.
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written by GMJ, January 04, 2009
I predict that John Edwards will contact the spirit of the late Issac Asimov and that Asimov will transmit the contents of his first novel of the 21st century. Copywright laws suits will soon follow.
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written by lukedoughaines@hotmail.co, January 04, 2009
1. Whoever won the most recent TV talent show (America's Got Talent, or X-Factor in the UK, or whatever is comparable) will have disappeared from the puclic eye by the end of the year.
2. Audley Harrison will finally accept defeat and retire from professional boxing.
3. Jeff Wagg will switch from Bombay Sapphire to Tanqueray. (Sorry, this is cross-pollenating threads!)
4. I will be unemployed by June.
5. Sylvia Browne will die of heart or lung disease.
6. An aging action star will make an un-necessary sequel to an old franchise.
7. Iraq as a sovereign nation will collapse.
8. The Rolling Stones will announce new tour dates.
9. A popular confection will change it's name.
10. The capital of the UK will change from London to Preston, Lancashire, and Helen Howarth will be crowned queen.

I should qualify this with something: I'm already aware of Beverly Hills Cop 4 being in production, so I won't count that for #6. My Iraq prediction may be a little quick; I think it'll happen, but not necessarily within 12 months. Oh, and my friend Helen MAY have had a hand in picking #10...
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2009 prophecy, Lowly rated comment [Show]
Dr Matt's amazing....
written by DrMatt, January 04, 2009
Here's mine:
1. Penumbral lunar eclipse February 9, seen in east Asia, Australia, Indonesia, and the American west.
2. Another one, July 7.
3. Venus, Mars, Jupiter, and the moon all appear clustered close together in the east half an hour before sunrise, April 17.
4. A similar clustering of the same planets (and Mercury, for the observant), June 18, 45 min before sunrise.
5. The biggee: total solar eclipse in east Asia, central Pacific, and Hawaii, July 22.

That's enough, you get the idea.
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written by redwench, January 04, 2009
I don't know what amerika is, but the United States of America (USA) is not a commonwealth. There are 4 states that are, perhaps you were referring to them?

And really, the color of someone's skin has nothing to do with whether we kill them or not. The government of the United States will kill people of any color.
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written by Starthinker, January 04, 2009
Joed, it's spelled America, using a K just shows ignorance. Also, it's not a country. Also you are wrong.
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prophecy 2009
written by joed, January 04, 2009
hey come on, these are predictions, right? why you get so defensive.
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written by Peter9971, January 04, 2009
Written in my nape for the year 2009 and beyond;

" James Randi Educational Foundation will continue in the forefront fighting ignorance and idiocracy, debunking all kinds of nonsense, pseudoscience and paranormal."
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written by redwench, January 04, 2009
You cannot make a prediction based on something that doesn't exist. Predicting that Andy Warhol would be the first female president when it obviously isn't going to occur would be an example. He is neither female nor alive, so therefore the prediction is meaningless.
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written by dr pepper, January 04, 2009
1. Huxters will continue to hype 2012 hysteria.
2. History, Discovery, Learning, and A&E will each broadcast some good informative content.
3. But they will broadcast a much larger amount of ignorance and misinformation.
4. A rocker, actor, or wrestler will be found dead, surrounded by empty bottles from liquor and perscription meds.
5. Infomercials will not be required to prove their claims.
6. A high profile liberal activist will be exposed as a mongamous heterosexual.
7. An elected official will be caught flagrantly keeping a campaign promise.
8. Some significant disaster will occur and it will turn out that Sylvia Browne had already predicted it.
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written by Kuroyume, January 04, 2009
Speaking of prophecies, did anyone catch the mindnumbing set of shows on History this evening: "Nostradamus: 2012" and "The Other Nostradamus" (Edgar Cayce)? So, if the Mayans, Hopi indigenous Americans, Nostradamus, Shipton, and Cayce said it (as vaguely as possible and without particulars), then it must be true. The cavalcade of 'Nostradamus lovers' showed up to show how accurate the quatrains were in the past in 'predicting' (by associative postdiction) events and how all of these things all culminate to some major event in 2012 (the exact event which is, incredibly, left to our imaginations).

I only saw the second half of the first show and half of the next farce (I've set the first show to record the second showing to view tomorrow and couldn't really take much of the efusive spewing over wunderkind Edgar).

The one thing that had me howling in laughter - but really just replying to the TV with cogent arguments - was the association of the current economic downturn with some quatrain. Interestingly enough, this quatrain could be also directly associated with the stock market crash of 1929 and the depression/drought (dust-bowl) that followed. I'll put money (without even looking it up online) that it indeed was associated with that event. So, does this mean that Nostradamus' quatrains can be associated with multiple events? That is, any events that happen to satisfy these vague generalizations? Me thinks so. Even a caveman can do it... (Hey, I just saved a bunch of money with Anti-woo).

Best in the new Sol and remember that humanity's only hope is to extinguish the false light of pseudoscience and blind faith for the candle in the dark whose light is replenished by the fuel of imagination and verification.
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I can see it now..
written by Realitysage, January 04, 2009
5 Predictions..
1. Woo-woo beliefs will increase threefold.
2. Profits from homeopathy will soar.
3. Main Stream Media will give psychics credibility.
4. Ineffective alternative medicines will remain a huge seller.
5. Religious kooks will continue their quest of imposing their view of morality on everybody else.

Bonus: Skeptics won't make a bit of difference in promoting rational thought.
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written by JeffWagg, January 05, 2009
@Realitysage:

Number 5 is completely up to us. I can tell you that the JREF often gets letters of thanks from people who've "seen the light." As for 1, I'm not so sure. 2 is doubtful. 3 is probable as is 4.
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written by cwniles, January 05, 2009
I predict $cientology will lose even more followers and garner even more bad press in 09 after getting involved in a very ugly and public fight with one of it's "celebrity" adherants.
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written by drowven, January 05, 2009
I predict...
1. The JREF will put more Liberal/Democratic oriented material on its site.
2. Obama will in fact change nothing and Democratic control will lead to increased taxes.
3. Politicians will be accused of corruption and slip away unscathed.
4. The man who sued $54 million for lost pants will continue to lose in court.
5. Republicans will rely on Jesus and continue to trample on basic logic and science.
6. Constitutional rights will be trampled on and nothing will be done about it.
7. At least one troll will visit the JREF comments section (may have happened already).
8. There will be at least major news story about a multiple homocide which will terrify the American Public.

To be fair number 8 has already and I suspect number 7 as well.
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My predictions 2009
written by Trish, January 05, 2009
Psychics will make predictions.

No one will check later to see if they come true.

Any prediction that can be retrofitted to current events subsequent to the prediction will be touted as a "hit" & proof of psychic ability in general & the special powers of the particular psychic.

Some of us unbelievers will later gather collections of the more ridiculous predictions & make fun of them at a later date.

How'd I do?



P.S. It's not the method, tea leaves, crystal ball, coffee grounds [really - there is a school of coffee-ground reading], tarot, I ching, etc. It's the audience that makes the predictor's career.
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written by lennyhipp, January 05, 2009
tnskeptic spoketh thusly:
"A tornado will strike a church during services killing lots of poeple. This will be explained away as God working in mysterious ways,"


You forgot to add: Later that night on the news, some survivors are interviewed, and give thanks to god for saving them, despite the dozens who perished. Three days later, a teenager who was in critical condition, and after a half dozen long surgeries is finally on the road to recovery. This leads his mother to opine "For the grace of god he was saved!" while completely ignoring the efforts of a team full of doctors with hundreds of years of experience using the most modern medical equipment.

LH

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written by BillyJoe, January 06, 2009
I would like to make just three predictions.

1)
2)
3)

Finally - and this is a prediction for 2010: Everyone will become selectively blind.

smilies/wink.gif

BJ
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My Predictions
written by KillJoy, January 06, 2009
Here are my predictions.
1. My team (the Raiders) will not go to the Super Bowl
2. No one will win the million dollar challenge...even if the price goes up.
3. The sun will come up every morning whether people at the poles believe or not.
4. Uri Geller will say something profound...profoundly stupid
5. There will be more dowsing claims.

That's all the tea leaves and astrology books gave me for now.
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First confirmation
written by yarro, January 06, 2009
Huree smilies/angry.gif The UK is the first country to make one of my predictions, i.e. extrapolations, come true:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/t...439604.ece smilies/angry.gif smilies/cry.gif
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