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Strange Advice From a Psychic PDF Print E-mail
Swift
Written by Jeff Wagg   

fanSome so-called psychics will say that you'll meet a "tall dark stranger." Others might posit that someone with a name beginning with "M" will have an influence on your life. And now, at least one, will tell you to put your testicles in front of a fan.

Yes, it's true. Kim O'Neill has been declared "Best Psychic in Houston," and her channeled spirit or guardian angel... or something, has told her that a fan is the key to fertility.

And you know, there's some truth to that. But not a lot. You see, most mammals carry their testicles in an external pouch because sperm production functions best at temperatures below normal body temperature. A fan could help lower that temperature even further, so in theory, it could help boost sperm production. But read what her advice actually is:

One day I had a woman sitting in front of me in a private session. She said she thought she was infertile and wanted me to ask the guardian angels what it was. Her unborn baby was the one who gave me the information, and he told her that the thing derailing his conception was that Dad's sperm count was low, and it was because he was hot around his testicles. So the baby recommended that his future mother get a small plastic fan from Wal-Mart and have Dad sit under it and read a book or watch TV and let the air blow on his testicles for about 20 minutes or so -- it raises his sperm count. They were to have sex right afterwards. And she got pregnant.

So, the unborn and apparently unconceived baby used her to channel the information that Dad needs to cool down a bit. Ok, fair enough... except that sperm take 64 days to develop, and putting the chill on for 20 minutes probably isn't going to make much of an impact.  As for the unborn baby speaking to her, I guess she means the sperm cell, except that it would be undeveloped since the temperature was wrong. If she means the egg, how did the egg know that the sperm was being hindered by temperature?  Are eggs psychic too? And what's so special about Wal-Mart? Would a fan from Target do as well? (Maybe the kid is a Walton.) I'm so confused.

The comments on the link are witty and interesting, but Kim is apparently a little thin skinned. I'll let you read them for yourself.

Honestly... while I understand this from a blog called "Hair Balls" and not the main section of the Houston Press, is there no one on staff who could question this woman? Inquring minds want to know.

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written by MadScientist, April 09, 2009
Huh, The Nut Psychic reminds me of the bible:

"No human being is 100% accurate with anything! If a psychic or channel (or anyone else for that matter)claims to be, run like hell! I have worked for twenty-two years to provide clients with accurare and specific information about the topics that are of importance to them."

SO - no human is 100% accurate, but she has worked for 22 years to provide clients with accurare [sic] and specific information ... which is not accurate I presume?

No, don't get too close! Ah, nuts. You shouldn't have bought the Bobbit model.
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written by José, April 09, 2009
except that sperm take 64 days to develop, and putting the chill on for 20 minutes probably isn't going to make much of an impact.

You're forgetting that testicles are wind powered. A steady breeze can greatly reduce the time needed for sperm to mature. That's also why the pregnancy rate spikes just after a hurricane or tornado.
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written by Socrates' last drink, April 09, 2009
As for the unborn baby speaking to her, I guess she means the sperm cell, except that it would be undeveloped since the temperature was wrong. If she means the egg, how did the egg know that the sperm was being hindered by temperature?
Quantum non-locality, obviously smilies/wink.gif

I would guess she subscribes to the idea that a soul float around freely in some ethereal realm before birth, chooses who it wants its parents to be, and then sticks around until its body-to-be is ready for occupation. Good chance she believes in reincarnation as well.

Or maybe the psychic communication transcends time, and this psychic is actually* talking to the 'baby' somewhere in the future.

* Hah. Not bloody likely.
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Wow...
written by keydetpiper, April 10, 2009
Simply stunning that adults believe this nonsense.
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YAY Beatles!
written by CasaRojo, April 10, 2009
Will you still need me, will you still seed me, when I'm 64? Now I know what the Beatles were really referring to. I hate all the obscure references in lyrics. And what's up with a goo gooby Jew walrus? Aren't there any secular animals?

I think the psychic meant that the wanna be preggers lady wasn't a big enough a fan of the testicular region and got the spirits message confused.

I was told yesterday (on another forum) that to make Matzah balls that I should.... well, it involved steaming chicken soup and nudity. I just wanted to celebrate passover not boil body parts. Is that really how you make Matzah balls?

I git sooooo confused!

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written by BillyJoe, April 10, 2009
You're forgetting that testicles are wind powered. A steady breeze can greatly reduce the time needed for sperm to mature. That's also why the pregnancy rate spikes just after a hurricane or tornado.

I'm not sure if you meant this as a joke or a piece of information. I hope it's the former because the latter sounds more than a little suspect.

BJ
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"Where to place your testicles" advice - on "Hair Balls"
written by Skeptic, April 10, 2009
Am I the only one who finds this, ahem, ironic?
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written by fluffy, April 10, 2009
@socrates' last drink:

Maybe the future baby is clairvoyant and talking to the psychic in the present!

@BJ:

Obvious joke is obvious
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written by Trish, April 10, 2009
If as-yet-unconceived babies are able to give advice before germ cells fuse & become available for the advice-giving entity to move in, what if potential mom & potential dad break up instead of buying a small fan, or one gets hit by a bus on the way to Walmart to buy the fan? Is that tantamount to abortion, and therefore tantamount to murder?
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written by Roo, April 10, 2009
I'm confused. I'm a woman, and I was told by a gynaecologist when I was 16 that I probably couldn't have children.

I don't have testicles. But I do have a fan. What should I do?! Arrrrrrgh!smilies/shocked.gif smilies/shocked.gif

Oh, hang on, I just realised that this story is, LITERALLY a complete load of b*ll*cks. Kim O'Neill should spend a few minutes with a woman who has to tell any boyfriend who becomes a potential husband that she cannot give him children. THEN see what "information" she gets.



My first sentence is the truth. And I loathe and despise anyone who fabricates a 'psychic' "cure" or "solution" to infertility. Sorry to sound aggressive, but this sort of 'psychic help' ranks in my mind alongside that which 'tells' grieving friends and relatives whether or not their missing loved one is alive or dead and where they can be found. It's immoral and utterly abhorrent. smilies/angry.gif

This is precisely why we need people live Phil Plait and James Randi - to highlight and attempt to stop these parasitic individuals.

Rant over. I feel better now.
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written by Roo, April 10, 2009
"live" should have been a "like". I'm still calm, but I don't want anyone after me with their corrections... smilies/wink.gif
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Alec Baldwin, huh?
written by supercheetah, April 10, 2009
Little did she know, but Alec Baldwin is actually a secret agent (or an alien if you believe Hulu)!

He had been spying on that office for a while, and hadn't quite tightened up his cover story. When he was discovered by Ms. O'Neill that day, this was the first thing that popped into his mind because he has a secret fetish with fans from Wal-mart.
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written by BillyJoe, April 10, 2009
Roo,

Now I am confused. How did "probably couldn't" become "cannot"?

And when you wrote "I don't have testicles. But I do have a fan", I read this as, "I don't have testicles. But I do have fun". Perhaps that's the solution to your problem? On the other hand, there must be any number of men who do not wish to have children but do want to have fun.

On a personal note. When I was a young teenager, I read somewhere that, below a certain size, a man is likely to be infertile. It was much later, and after considerable emotional trauma, that I realised they were using inches instead of centimetres.

Also a true story.

BJ

BJ
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written by tmac57, April 10, 2009
@Trish-"what if....one gets hit by a bus on the way to Walmart to buy the fan? Is that tantamount to abortion, and therefore tantamount to murder?"
Obviously murder, but not like you think. You see the "as-yet-unconceived" baby is obviously psychic, so it knew that one of them would be hit by a bus, thus it's evil plan to slay the potential parent and collect future insurance payments (double indemnity no doubt).A truly diabolical plan indeed.
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written by Phildonnia, April 10, 2009
It has been my experience that the desperation of infertile couples often approaches that of the terminally ill. And where there's desperation, there is invariably woo-woo.

I agree with Roo, these people are despicable.
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written by Willy K, April 11, 2009
Wow... written by keydetpiper, April 10, 2009
Simply stunning that adults believe this nonsense.


Everyone grows older, few grow up.smilies/wink.gif

Six words that describe the Human race.
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written by bosshog, April 11, 2009
Jim Morrison put his balls out in front of 20,000 fans and he died without heirs or assigns. Go figure.
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"I believe that the brain is like a parachute; it only works when it's open."
written by Brookston John, April 12, 2009
OK, class, repeat along with me...
"Don't have your mind open so far that your BRAIN falls out...."

Just goes to point out the classic difference in definitions of "open-mindedness".
To me, being Open-minded means that I'm willing to listen to what every Proof you have to offer to back up your belief. You believe in extraterrestrial life? Great, show me what you got, maybe I'll believe it, too.

To the Woo-Woo population, Open-Mindedness means "believing any old piece of rubbish somebody with charisma or good looks or flashy clothes spouts out because I'm attracted to them and want their approval". or "I don't care about 'Proofs', because I'm open-minded and thus believe EVERYTHING!".

Call me "Closed-Minded", but I don't believe Uri Geller can bend keys with his mind. Why am I not open-minded to that possibility? because time and time again, Geller has been shown to be a fraud and a fake. Hell, thanks to Randi, even *I* can bend metal with my "mind".
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Brookston John
written by BillyJoe, April 12, 2009
OK, class, repeat along with me...
"Don't have your mind open so far that your BRAIN falls out...."

As I said before, the video tries to take us beyond that overused and inaccurate retort.

To me, being Open-minded means that I'm willing to listen to what every Proof you have to offer to back up your belief.

I think that is a very good summary of where the video tries to take us.
Open-mindedness, in this sense, means a willingness to consider the evidence for and against any proposition, not the wholesale uncritical acceptance of the proposition.
In this sense, it is a good thing to be fully open-minded. The metaphor in the video is of a head with the skull fully flipped open and a evidence filter firmly in place.

Call me "Closed-Minded", but I don't believe Uri Geller can bend keys with his mind. Why am I not open-minded to that possibility? because time and time again, Geller has been shown to be a fraud and a fake.

Well, going along with your above definition, you are open-minded to any evidence presented for and against this proposition (skull fully flipped open and evidence filter firmly in place).

regards,
BillyJoe
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written by Demian, April 13, 2009
Of course, this wouldn't work in South Korea, where they believe electric fans can suck your breath out, or freeze you to death. What a dilemma! "Should I continue to remain infertile, Or should I get my breath sucked out? Decisions, decisions..."
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written by pxatkins, April 14, 2009
The Brits will find this amusing as a 'fan' is the diminutive of the vernacular for the vulva. So Kim might be right smilies/wink.gif
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written by Steel Rat, April 14, 2009
On a personal note. When I was a young teenager


Were you ever an old teenager? smilies/wink.gif

Just kidding dude.
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written by Steel Rat, April 14, 2009
And now, at least one, will tell you to put your testicles in front of a fan


No they won't, because I don't have contact with such people.
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written by BillyJoe, April 14, 2009
When I was a young teenager
Were you ever an old teenager?

Yes, when I was 19.
And, when I was 13, I was a young teenager.

BJ
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