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Move Over Crystal Head… PDF Print E-mail
Swift
Written by Jeff Wagg   

ovalbottlethumb2That’s right, there’s a new booze on the block. Reader David points us to Oval Vodka, which is "structured" and designed by a "homeopathic scientist."

Sigh.

"'Structuring’ is our name for a patented process developed by Professor Valery Sorokin, a renowned Russian homeopathic scientist." They show a nice nd completely inaccurate animation of a “vodka molecule” being enveloped by water, and somehow this is supposed to provide a smooth taste like fresh spring water. The process, whatever it is, takes 11 days.

I tried to do a patent search and could find nothing under the name given on the site, which is "Professor Valery Sorokin, a renowned Russian homeopathic scientist." For someone "renowned" he sure has a low google profile. I couldn’t find a single reference to him other than this vodka.

One has to wonder what homeopathy, which is the anti-science of extreme dilution, has to do with encapsulating vodka molecules with water. There is simply nothing in common between homeopathy and altering an alcohol or water molecule. Alcohol molecules are much bigger than water molecules, so what do they mean by "encapsulate"? The world may never know.

Like Crystal Head, they go on about how special the bottle is, and one reviewer remarked how nice the heavy cap is. To me, this smacks of marketing ploy, and I believe that’s all this vodka is. As with Zicam, the marketeers know that people will buy things associated with homeopathy, even though they have no understanding what the term means.They think of it is as "natural" and "pure," while the accurate thought would be "it's nothing."

So yes… pretty bottle, and the vodka may even taste good, but this marketing of flat lies at $40 a bottle (Seagrams is about $12) makes me want to vomit. I find it insulting that a company thinks it can use the techniques of 19th century snake oil salesman in 21st century America and get away with it.

In this last, I am sadly resigned to admitting that they’re probably right.