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Martin Ssempa Spares Not The Rod PDF Print E-mail
Swift
Written by Sean Sturgeon   

Martin Ssempa is a pastor from Uganda and the force behind a bill that would cause a lot of homosexuals to become dead precisely and only because they are homosexuals. This hateful excuse for an argument says that privacy extends no further than god’s right hand — or more accurately, the influence of a pastor with dreams of being parochial and small-minded on a continental scale.

When the story hit the MSM, it caused problems for some American Evangelical Christians and their “Church First” method of nation building. Never known as enthusiastic supporters of the LGBT community, American Evangelicals still abandoned Ssempa — at a leisurely pace, and indignant about being expected to choose between a carried-away pastor and sodomites. Though historically uninterested in extending the right of privacy to same-sex sex, as a group they tend not to want to kill people over it.

With his American backers gone, Ssempa’s fortunes seemed to have taken a turn for the worse. Like so many of us, the Pastor found respite in the arms of pornography.

I don’t mean that the Pastor became a consumer of porn. I mean that the Pastor decided to use hot man-on-man action as a tool for ministering to his flock. Pastor Ssempa chose the Ugandan capitol for his frenzy of porn, blame and salvation. There, he is reported to have said:

The major argument homosexuals have is that what people do in the privacy of their bedrooms is nobody's business…

I think we can all agree that the universal recognition of the human right to privacy is in fact a “major argument.” The pastor continued:

…but do you know what they do in their bedrooms?

Faster than you can say “Marty missed the point,” precisely the kind of acts that are none of your business were projected across the walls of that church in Kampala so that every person present could truly understand the aberration they were trying to kill and jail.

Apparently mistaking himself for Sean Hannity, pastor Ssempa then inexplicably aimed his remarks at President Obama. He continued:

Is this what Obama wants to bring to Africa?

Even though “Axelrod” would make a great name for a gay porn star, there is no evidence that the Administration has ever proposed using gay porn as a form of foreign aid.

I imagine the need for church-based pornography likely came from the fact that the real-life homosexuals haven’t followed the Ssempa Plan of annihilating society and bringing down divine wrath; there are no gay Ugandan terrorists threatening to slap on suicide vests if straight Ugandans don’t become sufficiently fabulous. Gays have not sullied the public world they share with heterosexuals, so Ssempa needed to replace their public, neighborly behavior with their private kinks in the minds of his congregation.

Inarguably, there is a great plague of inoffensive people who have never personally wronged Ssempa who are in need of imprisonment and capital harm. They must be alienated from their humanity; their personhood knocked from the mind by images of unspeakably hot perverse sodomy. Flashing images of anyone's carnal two-step  across a big, public wall can probably accomplish that alienation in a hurry. The demonstration allows the hoopleheads to revile the private actions of others without having to consider the potential liability of their own nasty, and still private, junk.

But everyone’s junk is nasty to someone, and if this tactic works, expect the Pastor to arrange viewings of the private acts of the next group he deems offensive to his god of peepshows.